FADE IN:
EXT. SOCCER FIELD - DAY
Kevin and the Property Manager are playing Chinese checkers in the middle of the soccer field.
PROPERTY MANAGER
Your turn
KEVIN
Hold up, can you do that?
PROPERTY MANAGER
Yeah, you can.
KEVIN
I don't know about that. I'm looking in the rulebook and I don't see it.
PROPERTY MANAGER
Are you reading the updated rulebook?
KEVIN
Yeah, this was updated six months ago.
PROPERTY MANAGER
That's not updated, they updated the rulebook ten minutes ago.
KEVIN
But we have been playing this game for thirty minutes.
PROPERTY MANAGER
And now we are going to follow the updated rules.
KEVIN
But since we started the game with the first rules shouldn't we continue with those rules?
PROPERTY MANAGER
Kevin, do you want to be a cheater?
KEVIN
No.
PROPERTY MANAGER
Then we will play by the updated rules.
KEVIN
I guess, but don't you think that-
A man falls on top of Kevin and the Property Manager's game.
REALLY POOR PERSON
Muugh Ugh Margh
PROPERTY MANAGER
What the hell?
KEVIN
Umm...excuse me...excuse me, sir?
The Property Manager attempt to push the man off the table, but is stopped due to the really poor person aggressively getting off the table.
REALLY POOR PERSON
Do you know the cucumber who did this to me?
KEVIN
Well, I-
The Property manager covered Kevin's mouth with his wing.
PROPERTY MANAGER
Shhh. No we haven't seen that cucumber.
REALLY POOR PERSON
Ight.
The really poor person starts to skip very quickly screaming and waving his arms.
KEVIN
Who was that?
PROPERTY MANAGER
Kevin, that was a member of the little PCP Point tribe.
KEVIN
Yes, Kevin I know it sounds ridiculous, but let me tell you the story of Henederville.
KEVIN
Wooo a story.
Kevin eats popcorn.
The Property manager stares at Kevin while he eats his popcorn.
PROPERTY MANAGER
Where the... nevermind. Here's the story of Henderville.
storytelling sequence
EXT. FIELD (PAST) - DAY
I was a young hawk back then and I met a very very attractive woman biggest-
storytelling sequence ends
EXT. SOCCER FIELD (PRESENT DAY) - DAY
KEVIN
Umm, what does this have to do with Henederville?
PROPERTY MANAGER
Kevin, let me tell the story. Trust me it all connects.
KEVIN
Okay.
The storytelling sequence begins.
EXT. FIELD (HENDRVILLE PAST) - DAY
PROPERTY MANAGER (V.O.)
So anyway this woman had the biggest stash of meth I had ever seen. And I mean it could flood Tweek world that is how much she had. She asked if I wanted some and I said no, because you know I'm responsible. But 12 seconds later I caved in due to peer pressure. I blackout and moments later this woman is placing trailer homes, and meth labs throughout this land that she bought became Henderville. I fell in love with this
woman, I swear. Yeah she had a problem, yeah she loved drugs, but who doesn't.
Storytelling sequence ends
EXT. SOCCER FIELD - DAY
PROPERTY MANAGER
Goddamit, I must find this woman, sorry Kevin I have to go. I must check to see if she has a Facebook.
The property Manager screeches and flies away.
PROPERTY MANAGER
I wouldn't usually advise people to go to Henderville, but Kevin you must find this woman for me, please.
KEVIN
Sure, but you think you could give me a ride, My cart pass expired.
The property manager flies back to the soccer field
PROPERTY MANAGER
Umm sure I have never done this before, but ok.
Kevin attempts to climb on top of the property manager's back.
PROPERTY MANAGER
Yeah? I agree, so is my leg suppose to be here?
PROPERTY MANAGER
umm no. Kevin?
KEVIN
Yeah.
PROPERTY MANAGER
Let's not do this.
KEVIN
I agree.
Kevin gets off of the property manager's. The property manager gives Kevin money.
PROPERTY MANAGER
Here just take this and get to Henderville.
KEVIN
Ok, thanks.
PROPERTY MANAGER
And remeber-
BOTH
Girl
KEVIN
Yes, the umm girl, I will not forget.
The property manager flies away and Kevin head towards the cart stop.
CUT TO:
EXT. CART STOP IN HENDERVILLE - AFTERNOON
Kevin gets off the sausage cart and head toward an opening gateway.
A person stands in the gateway.
WORKER #1
Hello, Mr. Kevin, we have been waiting on you.
KEVIN
Wow, so you guys can see the future.
WORKER #1
Follow me.
KEVIN
Okay.
Kevin and worker #1 follow a trail that leads to several trailers on both sides of them.
EXT. LITTLE PCP POINT TRIBE BASE - AFTERNOON
KEVIN
So how long have you been here?
The worker says nothing and they both continue up the trail until they get to a trailer at the end of the trail.
WORKER #1
Here is where you'll see the elder.
KEVIN
Alright, thanks for the quiet tour.
Kevin opens the door and smoke fills the trailer. Kevin enters the trailer. Two people are inside one standing and the other sits.
INT. ELDER #1'S TRAILER
ELDER #1
We have been expecting you Kevin - (French)
KEVIN
Yeah... I don't understand what she is saying.
TRANSLATOR
She said we have been expecting you, Kevin.
KEVIN
How did you know?
TRANSLATOR
How did you know - (French)
ELDER #1
Our predictors predicted you'd be here The storytelling sequence begins.
EXT. HENDERVILLE - DAY
Both the translator and the elder begin to talk to tell the story of Henderville.
KEVIN
Do you have to tell this story?
BOTH
A giant hawk brought me to this land-
KEVIN
Hey, that's my property manager.
TRANSLATOR
Shh. Sorry.
KEVIN BOTH
And that is when I saw the perfect vision for this land. I set up housing, organized our people, and created the sacred lands. But at the same time, someone was also having their own spiritual journey across the lands. We both knew the power of the sacred lands so our people and their people fought over the sacred lands. Both sides fought for 50 seconds before passing out. The other tribe woke up before ours and took the sacred lands over. Since then we have called ourselves The Tribe of Little PCP Point. Our enemies call themselves, The Choctaws of Meth River.
The storytelling sequence ends.
INT. ELDER #1'S TRAILER (PRESENT-DAY HENDERVILLE)
TRANSLATOR
So now you understand our people and our enemy.
KEVIN
Not really. I'm still confused on- A loud horn is heard through the land.
ELDER #1
It is time - (France)
The translator and the elder lead Kevin to the center of their tribe. A stoned slab with a tribe member from the Choctaws of meth river on the slab. Several other tribe members gather around the slab.
EXT. THE CENTER OF LITTLE PCP POINT TRIBE - AFTERNOON
LESS POOR PERSON
No, don't I didn't eat the last piece of the peach cobbler mama! Please.
The shaman steps up to the slab with a knife and a small glass vial.
KEVIN
What's going on?
WORKER #2
He is sacrificing that little shit.
KEVIN
Why?
WORKER #2
So the Gods don't get angry at us for not taking control of the sacred lands.
The shaman puts the vial up the Less poor person's nose.
LESS POOR PERSON
AHH! MAUURGH BLARGH! THE PEANUTS KILL THE PEANUTS!
The shaman stabs the Less poor person from the collar bone to the abdominal. Taking the knife out and grabbing a handful of inners.
LESS POOR PERSON
The shaman stabs the man in the head. The tribe embers start to cheer. And do PCP all around.
While the PCP is being consumed by all the members of the tribe of little PCP Point. Kevin wonders off to find the other tribe.
EXT. AN EMPTY AREA - AFTERNOON
KEVIN
I can't believe they sacrificed that guy. I have to find the other tribe to try to bring peace among them.
3 minutes later.
KEVIN
Oh no, I'm lost.
JAMAICAN CUCUMBER
It's ok I'll help you find your way, man, no worries, me and all my homies.
Talking vegetables appear from the ground: A Potato, a cabbage, okra, and a carrot.
The potato starts to drink vodka, the cucumber starts to smoke a joint, the cabbage does heroin.
KEVIN
Wow, you guys are interesting.
JENNIFER (CARROT)
So like why won't you just use Google maps.
RUSSIAN POTATO
Take a few shots you'll feel much better.
KEVIN
I'm not sick.
JAZZ CABBAGE
How about you take some real medicine.
Pulls out the needle and hands to Kevin. Kevin denies the syringe.
KEVIN
Guys I'm not sick, I just need help finding the Choctaws of meth river.
JAMAICAN CUCUMBER
Hey, man that's a bad crowd, man.
JENNIFER (CARROT)
Like totally they do totally like a lot of meth, totally.
ZACK
I don't know why I'm here but the Choctaws are that way.
KEVIN
Thanks.
Kevin goes in the way Zack pointed.
JAZZ CABBAGE
Remember kid, stay away from meth it's bad for you.
The vegetables do their own thing. Kevin finally gets to the Choctaws of meth river.
WATCHER #1
Halt!
Kevin stops
WATCHER #1
State your... Haha. ha. purpose.
KEVIN
I want to unite the two tribes together to bring peace to all of Henderville.
WATCHER #1
Okay...Go right through.
KEVIN
Okay, thanks.
Watcher #1 jumps off the tower and kills himself. Kevin walks through the gateway and is stopped by a worker.
WORKER #3
Hey, you get back down in the labs.
Worker #3 escorts Kevin to meth labs and made him start the process of making meth. Kevin not knowing how to make meth mimics what everyone else is doing.
INT. METH LAB - AFTERNOON
Kevin looks over at another worker.
KEVIN
This is fun isn't it, stinks though.
Worker #4 says nothing. Kevin looks at the worker on the other side of him.
KEVIN
So what do you guys do for fun here?
Worker #5 says nothing.
Kevin touches something he isn't supposed to. Something catches fire and is spread too quickly for anyone to react.
KEVIN
Oh no... Uh oh... umm guys, guys!
Kevin and other workers escape the lab. The meth lab starts to smoke and soon explodes.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE BURNING METH LAB - AFTERNOON
Other tribe members gather around the explosion. Everyone is discussing possible causes.
DEALER #1
Hey, man, it had to be a member from little PCP Point trying to sabotage us.
Everyone starts to agree.
PREDICTOR
I foresee war. A path of blood and gore comes this way.
CROWD
War, war, war, war.
Kevin runs off to see the shaman.
INT. THE SHAMAN’S TRAILER - AFTERNOON
KEVIN
Excuse me, but I need to bring peace amongst the tribes. If you can teach me your ways I might be able to stop this war.
The shaman gets close to Kevin.
SHAMAN
If you want to know my ways then you must become my ways.
KEVIN
Huh?
The shaman blows meth into Kevin's face.
KEVIN
Hey, why you- Montage music begins Kevin begins to trip.
Kevin ends up in a trailer waiting for the elders from both tribes to sit with him so he can prevent the war. Horns are heard. Both elders arrive.
INT. TRAILER - AFTERNOON
ELDER #2
What is this? What is going on here?
KEVIN
Shh. it is time for peace and the only way to do it is unification.
ELDER #1
This is ridiculous I'm leaving - (French)
KEVIN
Could we get a translator? No wait I'll just use my phone. Speak into this, please.
Kevin slides his phone closer to elder #1
ELDER #1
This is ridiculous I'm leaving - (translated)
Kevin places his hand on elder #1. elder #1 stares at Kevin, both stare at each other awkwardly in silence,
ELDER #1
Umm... Okay?
Kevin takes his hand away from elder #1.
KEVIN
Let's begin.
Meanwhile, both tribes are at the moment before war in an empty lot preparing to fight.
EXT. EMPTY LOT - AFTERNOON
WORKER #7
Where are the elders?
DEALER #3
Forget the leader's let's start killing.
PREDICTOR #2
We must not begin without the leaders.
Back to Kevin and the elders. Kevin passes everyone a pipe filled with PCP and meth.
INT. TRAILER - AFTERNOON
KEVIN
Now we light.
Both elders and Kevin begin to light and smoke. The state of losing reality begins.
Meanwhile, both tribes are neck and neck.
EXT. EMPTY LOT - AFTERNOON
WORKER #8
If you don't forfeit the sacred lands now we will be forced to kill all of you.
DEALER #4
We will die before we ever even think about giving up the sacred lands.
The horns are heard and the tribes begin to approach each other. Before the tribes get close for contact, a group of black men drive up to the two tribes.
BMA #1
Wassup G's we taking this mothafucking land and gonna sell some crack.
The black men shoot down all the tribe members and start settling inside the trailers and start making crack.
Meanwhile, Kevin wakes up from his experience.
INT. TRAILER - DUSK
KEVIN
Ugh, so you guys ready to U- Ohh.
Both the tribe elders are dead Kevin gets a text from his property manager. Saying "so you found my long lost love"
KEVIN
Uhhhh...
Kevin takes a picture of elder #1 and sends the picture to the property manager.
The property manager looks at the picture.
PROPERTY MANAGER
uhh... she still got those lips.
FADE TO: BLACK